My Life To Do List

1.  Stop Smoking   -  Ugh, yes I smoke, a closet smoker literally.  I sneak in my bathroom two to three times a day and have a cigarette.  I try to hide it from my children, I'm ashamed, I don't want them to think it's OK.  Also, I feel like it keeps my metabolism up, stupid I know.

            *  Last day I smoked 11/17/13

2.  Exercise Regularly-  I need to exercise 3 to 4 times a week, this not only helps me control my weight but it nourishes me both mentally and physically.  I need to move in order to feel strong and aware of my body.  Also, it clears my head.

3.  Eat Healthy - To me this means listening to my body. What food is helping lose weight?  What food makes me feel energized?  What food upsets my stomach or makes how much food makes me feel uncomfortable? This just means constant awareness of what I eat and how I feel after eating it. 

4.  Financial Freedom  - I have been working on this quite a bit lately.  I have been attending a Financial Peace University class and as a result I realized I can not afford my house anymore now that I am a single parent.  So I put my house on the market about 4 weeks ago and it sold in about 2 weeks.  It sold quickly and I got a great cash offer, I guess it was meant to be.  I kind of feel like everything is working out the way it was meant to be.  The kids and I are kind of sad.  I thought I would spend Christmas' there with my  grandchildren but it it too much for me to physically or financially take care of.  Also, I can't keep working 50 hours a week and still be broke because it just isn't enough income. 

This is a lot to handle all at once but I feel like when things are going right in one area of your life you can gain momentum for other areas. 

Work In Progress

I have been thinking about this for awhile, that I need to organize my life and my goals for improvement.  I truly believe that we are always a work in progress.  Sometimes I strive for perfection but I know there is no such thing and striving for it just causes disappointment which leads to more failure.  The circle of my old life. 

Because life is a living, breathing work of art, you are a painting as you go. Be a masterpiece. Drink in life. Laugh too loud. Compliment others constantly.

— Nicole Johnson

Then surprise, I opened my email and this was my inspirational quote for today.  So appropriate for how I feel today.  There are so many things in my life I need to work on right now.  I used to take the approach one thing at a time but I decided that isn't right for me anymore.  I think if you are disciplined in one area of your life it can spread to other areas.  I'm hoping anyway.  I also think that if you are struggling in one area of your life it's alright because you may be succeeding in other areas, which inturn spread positive energy through out your life.  I decided to make a list of all the things that need improvement in my life.  Who do I want to be?  What do I want my life to look like?

Weigh In

I'm still here and things are going OK, pretty much the same.  I was doing good on the sugar detox but then I screwed up.  It's hard to find food to eat, basically only vegetables, which get old kind of quick.  I wasn't very good at planning ahead and preparing food which I need to be but I'm here still fighting. 

I did go to a new aerobics class, a tone and sculpt class, and I loved it.  I was the fatest person there at first I felt awkward but then I realized I could do it and I actually enjoyed it.  I love that feeling you get the next day when your muscles are so sore but a good sore.

 

 

Day 1 - Sugar Detox

This is what I ate yesterday, baked eggs with salt and pepper, a Greek salad with chicken, feta and Tzatziki sauce, and a chopped chicken Subway salad.   I am not supposed to eat cheese, so I should have skipped the feta cheese.  Also, Tzatziki sauce I realized is yogurt based and I'm not supposed to have dairy.  I know I didn't follow the detox exactly but for me this is really good.  I only ate around 813 calories which is too low and 9% carbs. 

I was proud of myself because there is candy everywhere, at work and home.  Right now the person next to me is eating a piece of cake, ugh.  However, I am not, so small baby steps, I guess.  I feel pretty good, sometimes hungry but not miserable which is good.  I am going to try to figure out more foods I can eat to get more healthy calories. 

21 Day Sugar Detox

I'm miserable, ugh.  I weighed myself this morning and I gained 5 pounds this weekend as a result of eating birthday cake, cookies, pizza, wings and Gelato.  However, I did sort of have this realization that alcohol really send me into complete binge mode.  Friday night while playing cards with the girls, I drank too much wine and a pumpkin martini, yum, which by the way do not mix well.  I was miserable the next day.  Hung-over, starving and craving all kinds of sugar and greasy fats, which sent me into a non-productive, high calorie weekend.  Ever since I drank way too much alcohol I have been craving sugar like crazy.  The Halloween candy around the house keeps calling me by name where as last week I was doing pretty well, even forgetting we had candy in the house.   I know I am a sugar addict and that my body is used to running on sugar and carbohydrates for so long that fighting it is such a battle.  It's so hard.

I decided to give this 21 Day Sugar Detox a real solid try.  I am only going to eat things on the Good Foods list for 21 days, which I suppose means a lot of brown rice, chicken and salads.  Also, no alcohol and no candy on Halloween, now that's scary.  I may have to skip all social plans. 

I figured if I start today my 21 days will be up before Thanksgiving.  I really just want to learn to eat sugar and carbs in moderation and break the cravings, which I really believe is what thin people do.  I know I am going to be miserable, especially the first week.  I'm already miserable, so far today and it's only been about 4 hours.   I ate this piece of baked egg for breakfast.  One meal done and only 62 to go, this makes it sound more doable. 

Weigh In & Outfit of the Day

I really wanted to below 300 by today, it is so frustrating.  I hope to hell this weight stays off because it is coming off so SLOWLY.   I know I could be eating better and I definitely could be exercising more, but I feel like what I am doing is realistic.  I don't feel hungry or deprived, I actually feel really good. 

 

Sorry these pictures are horrible.  I don't know if it is my phone, the kid taking them or the lighting but I do know the are not good.  However, it is all I have right now. 

I love these jeans.  The are comfortable, they have stretch but they don't get all stretched out.  I think they are flattering dark, kind of slim cut and not too wide leg.  They are Lee jeans from Kohl's, size 24.  I can't find them on their website but they have back pockets with flaps. 

Photo bomb, this chaos is my life!

Very Slow

Today

I really want to be under 300 by by Monday so I'm making sure I get some exercise, refrain from alcohol and eat well.  I weigh myself everyday which I know isn't a good thing or probably even accurate but I can't help it. It helps me be accountable and I feel like it helps me know what is working and what isn't.  However, when I do plateau it makes me depressed and want to give, so that is not good.  I have a feeling that my progress is going to continue to be slow but hopefully I am making lasting changes and lasting weightloss.

Still Here

I'm still here, having good days and bad. I walked two miles today and it was hard. I'm so aggravated with myself because less then a month ago I could walk almost 5 miles and I felt good doing it. I have such a long battle ahead of me and everyday is such a fight.  

I found this amazing salad at Panera's, some kind of power chicken salad.  It's low carb and comes with lemon and olive oil instead of salad dressing.  Plus it's only 360 calories, according to their website.  I could eat this every night it's tasty and very filling.  Also, since it's Fall I have been snacking on apples and caramel dip, so good.  

Back On Track

It has been a very long month.  It started with a dear friend of mine suddenly passing away, that totally SUCKED the wind out of me.  Then I have been fighting a serious sinus infection.  However, today I actually woke up and begin to feel slightly normal again.  Time to get back to work.

Weekend Wisdom

Slow but Making Progress

This is such a slow process that it can be very frustrating, although I am begining to feel like I am making new habits, which is my longterm goal.  Whenever I walk 3 miles, the next day or two, my legs feel so tired and week.  I hope that will get better.  I want to walk 3 miles five days a week, especially while the weather is decent. 
When I walk my first mile is the hardest?  Does this make any sense?  After mile one it gets easier and I'm not sure why. 

Wednesday 8/21/13

I keep forgetting to take pictures of all my food but I did eat more yesterday because I felt really hungry.  I'm trying to listen to my body and it seemed to work yesterday.  By the way I did eat that cookie, it was good but I felt guilty. 

Tuesday 8/20/13

I have decided to weigh myself and take pictures of what I eat everyday.  This will give me an idea of what is working and what is not.   However, I can't seem to remember to take pictures of my food.  This morning I had a bagel with peanut butter because I felt week and light headed walking into work.  After I felt much better.  Also, I am trying to my calories between 1200-1500 and my carbohydrates at 20% Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday and then at 40% on Wednesday and Saturday.  Just too see if that helps speed up the process of weigh loss with out making me crazy. 

Monday 8/19/13 Dinner

Monday 8/19/13 Morning

Weigh In Friday

313.1.....hmmm, not as good as I thought is would be this morning which seems to be my problem.

This week I am really going to focus on eating low carb.  I can't seem to do it and I hoping it will make the difference I need to see the scale acutally move.

I am having such a hard time giving up carbs and sugar, I can't seem to break this addiction.  Also, I am going to make sure I really measure all my food, maybe I am eating more then I think I am. 

Afraid of the Scale

So, I have been weighing in on Fridays which means I am weighing myself tomorrow, but I am afraid.  Ever since I stopped weighing myself everyday, I am afraid to get on the scale. I feel good.  I feel smaller. I have been eating pretty well except for a few to many beers on the weekend.  I have been exercising regularly but I could do more.  

The problem is if I get on the scale and don't see a good result I get depressed, I begin to feel like what is the point?  I don't want to get upset which will cause me to spiral into over eating.  However, I feel like the scale is important, I think knowing what I weigh is a good measurement of my progress.  It helps me know if what I am doing is working or not.  So I will weigh myself, hope for the best and try not to let the scale define me, just guide me.

Just Keep Going

I just keep trying.....I love my BodyMedia it helps me keep an accurate account of the calories I burn.  I don't think I burn as many calories as I should for being my weight, which was 314 last time I weighed myself.   I feel like I am trying so hard but getting no where.  I still struggle with food and making healthy choices.  I'm going to work on being a better blogger too.  I think it helps.  

Remember This

Making Progress

Since I was off today I made a 3 egg omelette with feta cheese and it was so good and low carb.  

Here are my stats for today.  I did swim so that isn't in my activity stats because the BodyMedia isn't waterproof.  I feel so good mentally and physically when I am following a plan.  It's weird though all my happiness shouldn't be dependent solely on my eating and exercise plan but it is right now.  Maybe that is how successful people do it, total obsession.

My short term goal is to weigh 300 by July 31.  

BodyMedia Fit and Food

So I started off just eating watermelon but then I thought that is dumb and unhealthy to just eat watermelon all day. Especially after I worked out I had a headache and felt weird.  Therefore, for dinner I ate a chicken breast with tomato sauce and goat cheese.

I'm loving my BodyMedia band. I just feel like I have more knowledge about how many calories I burn a day.  I honestly thought I was burning about 4000 - 4500 calories a day when I work out but apparently I'm burning less then I thought.  

I workout!  

I hosted a family dinner Sunday but I didn't want to completely blow my calorie count so I made a Greek chicken souvlaki salad bar.  I'm not sure my meat and potatoes family enjoyed but I did.  

Hello July

Today's weight 318. Total lost 13 pounds since I stated this blog.

The scale is going down but very slowly.  I know I definitely ate and drank too much over the holiday week/weekend but I'm learning and not giving up.

I want to lose weight faster, with lasting results, and I think the only way to do that is to cut out carbs but it is so hard.   From everyone I talked too who lives a very low carb lifestyle they started by doing some sort of detox.  So I am going to try this.  I probably won't make the soup but days 1-6 seem doable.  Ha ha, I always say that until I actually start doing it.  I need to remind myself it is only 6 days. Everyone I talked to says once you get through that carb crash day 3 or 4 you are ok.  I want to just live a low carb/ low sugar lifestyle for the rest of my life.  I want to crave fruits and vegetables not sugar and bread.  

In addition to diet, I have been trying to keep better track of my calories burned and my exercise so in order to do so I bought the Body-media arm thing.  I am a numbers kind of girl and seeing input    versus output I think will help motivate me to eat less and move more.  

This was yesterday and In order to burn this many calories I did the stairs twice at work, two floors, walked a mile on break and did a 45 minute Jillian Michael's video, which is a lot for me in a day.  

Feeling Good

Today I woke up and I feel good.  I kind of had a crappy night because I saw my Ex with someone new for the first time, insert pains of hurt/disgust and I spent the night wondering if I made the right choices.  However, after waking up this morning I had a moment of clarity.  I knew I made the right choice for me.  I need to concentrate on myself.  I can't be happy with anyone until I learn to love myself.  I need to learn to accept and appreciate myself at any weight.  I want to feel confident and secure with who I am because I deserve that regardless of what the scale says.  However, for me when my weight goes up its like I lose myself, my confidence, my strength.  I begin to look and feel sloppy and I hate that feeling.

Today I weigh 325

I have been parking about 1/2 a mile away from work which makes me start my day with a brisk walk.  I sit at a computer all day which makes me feel weak and sluggish.  So I have been trying to force myself to take a walk on my breaks.  So yesterday I ended up walking about 3 miles just during my normal work day.  I like this because if I don't have time to get in some sort of formal exercise in, at least I am getting some movement in.  I think it is helping with weight loss and making me feel stronger.

Inspiration

This made me laugh, even Batman has a before and after. 
Life has been pretty good around here but my exercises and food choices haven't been great nor have they been that bad either.  I think I weigh 327, I need to get a new scale.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately thinking about what I want my life to look, thinking about how I want to live.  I found two old Weight Watchers weigh-in books, one from 2005 and one from 2008, my starting weight was exactly the same, 330, in both books.  The same I am now too.  It is so weird for the past 10 years, maybe longer, I have weighed almost the EXACT same weight, except when I went through my divorce I lost 40 pounds, which was great but it was because I couldn't eat anything.   I don't really understand this but what I do understand is my body is so used to this weight that I have to make drastic changes in order to change.   I need to find a way to change my bodies "normal" or the weight my body seems to like. 

Weigh In Friday

I have this love/hate relationship with the scale.  I think most overweight people do, well, probably most people do.  Today I weighed in at 325.5 which is 5.5 pounds down from where I started.  It seems to be such a slow process

I did an hour of aerobics yesterday at the gym and then walked 1.3 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I feel like I am learning.  My eating is getting better, I'm trying to eat around 1200 to 1250 calories and about 100 g of carbs.  I want to work up to exercising 5 times a week, it seems to be more of a mental challenge then physical. 

I just want this so bad this time and I am so frustrated it seems to be taking so long and I have to eat practically nothing to even lose a pound.  I not giving up though.




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