Weigh In

I'm still here and things are going OK, pretty much the same.  I was doing good on the sugar detox but then I screwed up.  It's hard to find food to eat, basically only vegetables, which get old kind of quick.  I wasn't very good at planning ahead and preparing food which I need to be but I'm here still fighting. 

I did go to a new aerobics class, a tone and sculpt class, and I loved it.  I was the fatest person there at first I felt awkward but then I realized I could do it and I actually enjoyed it.  I love that feeling you get the next day when your muscles are so sore but a good sore.

 

 

Weigh In & Outfit of the Day

I really wanted to below 300 by today, it is so frustrating.  I hope to hell this weight stays off because it is coming off so SLOWLY.   I know I could be eating better and I definitely could be exercising more, but I feel like what I am doing is realistic.  I don't feel hungry or deprived, I actually feel really good. 

 

Sorry these pictures are horrible.  I don't know if it is my phone, the kid taking them or the lighting but I do know the are not good.  However, it is all I have right now. 

I love these jeans.  The are comfortable, they have stretch but they don't get all stretched out.  I think they are flattering dark, kind of slim cut and not too wide leg.  They are Lee jeans from Kohl's, size 24.  I can't find them on their website but they have back pockets with flaps. 

Photo bomb, this chaos is my life!

Slow but Making Progress

This is such a slow process that it can be very frustrating, although I am begining to feel like I am making new habits, which is my longterm goal.  Whenever I walk 3 miles, the next day or two, my legs feel so tired and week.  I hope that will get better.  I want to walk 3 miles five days a week, especially while the weather is decent. 
When I walk my first mile is the hardest?  Does this make any sense?  After mile one it gets easier and I'm not sure why. 

Wednesday 8/21/13

I keep forgetting to take pictures of all my food but I did eat more yesterday because I felt really hungry.  I'm trying to listen to my body and it seemed to work yesterday.  By the way I did eat that cookie, it was good but I felt guilty. 

Tuesday 8/20/13

I have decided to weigh myself and take pictures of what I eat everyday.  This will give me an idea of what is working and what is not.   However, I can't seem to remember to take pictures of my food.  This morning I had a bagel with peanut butter because I felt week and light headed walking into work.  After I felt much better.  Also, I am trying to my calories between 1200-1500 and my carbohydrates at 20% Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday and then at 40% on Wednesday and Saturday.  Just too see if that helps speed up the process of weigh loss with out making me crazy. 

Weigh In Friday

313.1.....hmmm, not as good as I thought is would be this morning which seems to be my problem.

This week I am really going to focus on eating low carb.  I can't seem to do it and I hoping it will make the difference I need to see the scale acutally move.

I am having such a hard time giving up carbs and sugar, I can't seem to break this addiction.  Also, I am going to make sure I really measure all my food, maybe I am eating more then I think I am. 

Feeling Good

Today I woke up and I feel good.  I kind of had a crappy night because I saw my Ex with someone new for the first time, insert pains of hurt/disgust and I spent the night wondering if I made the right choices.  However, after waking up this morning I had a moment of clarity.  I knew I made the right choice for me.  I need to concentrate on myself.  I can't be happy with anyone until I learn to love myself.  I need to learn to accept and appreciate myself at any weight.  I want to feel confident and secure with who I am because I deserve that regardless of what the scale says.  However, for me when my weight goes up its like I lose myself, my confidence, my strength.  I begin to look and feel sloppy and I hate that feeling.

Today I weigh 325

I have been parking about 1/2 a mile away from work which makes me start my day with a brisk walk.  I sit at a computer all day which makes me feel weak and sluggish.  So I have been trying to force myself to take a walk on my breaks.  So yesterday I ended up walking about 3 miles just during my normal work day.  I like this because if I don't have time to get in some sort of formal exercise in, at least I am getting some movement in.  I think it is helping with weight loss and making me feel stronger.

Weigh In Friday

I have this love/hate relationship with the scale.  I think most overweight people do, well, probably most people do.  Today I weighed in at 325.5 which is 5.5 pounds down from where I started.  It seems to be such a slow process

I did an hour of aerobics yesterday at the gym and then walked 1.3 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I feel like I am learning.  My eating is getting better, I'm trying to eat around 1200 to 1250 calories and about 100 g of carbs.  I want to work up to exercising 5 times a week, it seems to be more of a mental challenge then physical. 

I just want this so bad this time and I am so frustrated it seems to be taking so long and I have to eat practically nothing to even lose a pound.  I not giving up though.




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Monday, Monday....Plus a Weigh In

So my day to weigh in is Friday, which I did and I lost 1 pound.  One measly little pound.  I was depressed.  I worked out 3 days that week for a little over an hour each time.  I ate less then I have eaten in a long time.  Probably averaging 1500 calories a day, even though I wanted to stay around 1200.  I don't know, I really just felt smaller, I felt like I lost more than a pound. 

Then I got depressed and I made The Barefoot Contessa's Salted Caramel Brownies, they were so good.  I mean really good, they may be my new go to dessert when I am have company.   Of course, then I felt guilty for eating crap.  It was weird, my stomach hurt and I felt bloated after eating some crap food this weekend.  I am trying to remember and take mental notes on how I feel and how my body feels when I make healthy food choices and when I make not so healthy ones. 

So here I am Monday morning, not giving up, ready to embrace the week ahead and trying to decide how to get the scale to move in my favor.  I spent some time researching weight loss surgery this weekend.  I don't think it is for me yet, but I am getting more desperate.  Like weight loss patients, I am going to try replacing some meals this week with a protein shake.  Hopefully that will help me keep better track of my calories.

A part of me feels like my life is on hold until I can become the person I want to be.  As though losing the weight will give me the strength to do the things I am currently afraid to do.  I know in my mind this is ridiculous but I can't help feel that way.  I feel like I am meant to do great things but they can't be done until I lose weight, like somehow being overweight is making me a failure. 

Weigh in Friday

So yesterday.....let's talk about it.  I ate way too much, I believe there was a chocolate- chocolate chip muffin and a chocolate bar both involved in the debauchery that took place yesterday.   I weighed myself in the morning after TWO whole days of eating within my calories and I hadn't lost any weight.  I was so mad, I ate.  It was not one of my better moments.

However, something great happened.  I decided to go to the gym and take an aerobics class, beginners aerobic jazz.  It was so much fun, everyone in the class was nice and supportive but most importantly I could do it.  I was worried I would not be able to keep up or even finish, I was able to do both, yeah me!  I forgot how much I enjoy working out.   I forgot how good your body and mind feel after.  I think I am the kind of girl who likes to exercise in a class, which is strange because I am shy and not very social.  For my weight, My Fitness Pal says if I do 60 minute of low impact aerobics I burn 750 calories, doesn't that seem high?

I decided to weigh in every Friday and try really, really hard not to go near the scale on any other day.  I figure Fridays are good in case I indulge in a little wine over the weekend.  I am trying to be realistic and make realistic lifestyle changes which means I can not give up a couple of glasses of wine on the weekends. 


March 29, 2013                     331.0 lbs      Ugh, my highest weigh since I was pregnant.


Why is posting your real, actual weight such an frightening act?  I hope nobody I know see this.
I guess like Oprah says, "I need to live in my truth".