Low Carb

I ate low carb yesterday.  I wanted to eat about 30 grams of carbohydrates but I ended up eating about 60 grams.  I ate left over roaster's chicken for breakfast but by lunch I was feeling so weird, light headed, dizzy and just kind of out of it.  It was so strange, I never felt like that before.  So I had a grilled cheese for lunch and felt normal again.  I also had a small cookie.  For dinner I made a steak Cesar salad with just a couple croutons because I felt light headed again.  I don't know if I felt hungry or just wanting food later in the evening but I went to bed instead of eating. 

The thing is this morning I woke up and I felt really good.  I felt smaller, less bloated.  I didn't weigh myself, I'm waiting until Friday.  I love that feeling when you wake up and feel smaller but I hate that I allow myself to depend on that feeling for my happiness.  Waking up and feeling smaller makes my whole day, it gives me strength to keep going which is why I didn't weigh myself.  However, if I wake up and feel bloated or extra fat, I allow it to ruin my whole day and sabotage my eating plan but I am working on this. 

Long Week

I had a really long week last week.  I wasn't feeling well but after a lot of test everything seems to be better now.  I have thyroid issues so I have to keep a close eye on my thyroid levels. 

Since I didn't feel well and I was a bit stressed out I didn't really concentrate on what I ate or exercise.  However, now that I am feeling feeling better I am ready to get back on track with watching my calories and exercising. 

I am really going to try and concentrate on food.  I want to pay attention to everything I eat and how it makes me feel.  I know I eat too much sugar and I know I am a sugar addict.  I was laying in bed last night wondering if I haven't felt good lately because of what I eat?  I need to think of food as fuel, not pleasure. 

This week my two main goals are to cut back on carbohydrates and processed sugars and see how my body reacts.  I really want to get in touch with my how I feel and what makes me feel strong, energized, not tired. 



 I signed up for The Color Run.  It will be my first 5k, yeah, but I am a bit scared because right now I am doing about a 20 minute mile, ugh...not good but luckily I have 110 days, but who is counting?

TED Talks

I was listening to this TED Talk and something just struck a nerve with me.  I know practicing gratitude leads to happiness.  I have seen that happen in my life but what I never thought about is that if we are never happy with the things we have accomplished, big or small, we are constantly telling ourselves we aren't good enough yet.  We are also setting ourselves up to be unhappy because we constantly raise the bar on our goals and make them unattainable.  This is so true in my quest to lose weight, if I lose 5 pounds in a week it isn't enough or if I lose 10 its great but I still have 100 left to go.  In order to be happy, which I believe leads to success, we have truly acknowledge our accomplishments, be proud of ourselves and just enjoy.  We have to stop thinking about the things we didn't accomplish. 

Just a little warning, this guy talks really fast. 

Healthy Recipe To Try

Don't these twice baked kale and broccoli potatoes look incredible.  I am trying to assemble a list of some go-to healthy recipes.  This is a great way to get more greens in your diet too.  I am trying to find ways to enjoy kale but it is not easy. 

Today....

I'm sitting here kind of sad. I stayed within my goal of 1200 calories yesterday and I was starving but proud of myself. Today, however, not so much. I woke up hungry, didn't plan my food and then I didn't get this position at work I was hoping to get, so I ate. I really ate, I had a candy bar and later a cupcake. Also, I skipped the gym, resulting in me feeling like crap, guilty and that I let myself down.

I'm sitting here wondering why I can't just be happy with who I am now? Why can't I accept my life the way it is and just live instead of obsessing about my weight? Then I realized it is because I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't feel like myself. I know that sounds really weird but I don't feel like me.

I wish I was able to go out for happy hour after work and just enjoy myself but I can't because I am so self-conscience. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to miss out on life anymore because I feel so uncomfortable with who I am. I want to feel safe and secure with who I am.

I think if I focus on working out it will help me feel more connected to my body. It will help me appreciate my body and feel strong and healthy no matter what my weight. I feel like I need to find myself, figure out who I am from the outside in.

For some reason this photo just spoke to me today.

Inspirational Quote of the Day (Tue, 09 Apr 2013)

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Norman Vincent Peale

Monday, Monday....Plus a Weigh In

So my day to weigh in is Friday, which I did and I lost 1 pound.  One measly little pound.  I was depressed.  I worked out 3 days that week for a little over an hour each time.  I ate less then I have eaten in a long time.  Probably averaging 1500 calories a day, even though I wanted to stay around 1200.  I don't know, I really just felt smaller, I felt like I lost more than a pound. 

Then I got depressed and I made The Barefoot Contessa's Salted Caramel Brownies, they were so good.  I mean really good, they may be my new go to dessert when I am have company.   Of course, then I felt guilty for eating crap.  It was weird, my stomach hurt and I felt bloated after eating some crap food this weekend.  I am trying to remember and take mental notes on how I feel and how my body feels when I make healthy food choices and when I make not so healthy ones. 

So here I am Monday morning, not giving up, ready to embrace the week ahead and trying to decide how to get the scale to move in my favor.  I spent some time researching weight loss surgery this weekend.  I don't think it is for me yet, but I am getting more desperate.  Like weight loss patients, I am going to try replacing some meals this week with a protein shake.  Hopefully that will help me keep better track of my calories.

A part of me feels like my life is on hold until I can become the person I want to be.  As though losing the weight will give me the strength to do the things I am currently afraid to do.  I know in my mind this is ridiculous but I can't help feel that way.  I feel like I am meant to do great things but they can't be done until I lose weight, like somehow being overweight is making me a failure. 

I'm Tired

I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of feeling weak. I'm tired of moving slow. I'm tired of being afraid of stairs. I'm tired of my knees hurting. I'm tired of not being able to shop at J Crew. I just want to remember these things. I need to remember why I am trying to lose weight. It is so hard. I'm hungry and counting calories is much harder then I thought. I often think I am not eating too many calories but then I put my food in My Fitness Pal and my calories are too high.

I did work out three days this week, which is good because I feel stronger.

I did however eat and drink too much over the weekend.

I think in order to be successful at losing weight and changing your life you have to be totally consumed by the process.

Musical Inspirations