Feeling Good

Today I woke up and I feel good.  I kind of had a crappy night because I saw my Ex with someone new for the first time, insert pains of hurt/disgust and I spent the night wondering if I made the right choices.  However, after waking up this morning I had a moment of clarity.  I knew I made the right choice for me.  I need to concentrate on myself.  I can't be happy with anyone until I learn to love myself.  I need to learn to accept and appreciate myself at any weight.  I want to feel confident and secure with who I am because I deserve that regardless of what the scale says.  However, for me when my weight goes up its like I lose myself, my confidence, my strength.  I begin to look and feel sloppy and I hate that feeling.

Today I weigh 325

I have been parking about 1/2 a mile away from work which makes me start my day with a brisk walk.  I sit at a computer all day which makes me feel weak and sluggish.  So I have been trying to force myself to take a walk on my breaks.  So yesterday I ended up walking about 3 miles just during my normal work day.  I like this because if I don't have time to get in some sort of formal exercise in, at least I am getting some movement in.  I think it is helping with weight loss and making me feel stronger.

Inspiration

This made me laugh, even Batman has a before and after. 
Life has been pretty good around here but my exercises and food choices haven't been great nor have they been that bad either.  I think I weigh 327, I need to get a new scale.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately thinking about what I want my life to look, thinking about how I want to live.  I found two old Weight Watchers weigh-in books, one from 2005 and one from 2008, my starting weight was exactly the same, 330, in both books.  The same I am now too.  It is so weird for the past 10 years, maybe longer, I have weighed almost the EXACT same weight, except when I went through my divorce I lost 40 pounds, which was great but it was because I couldn't eat anything.   I don't really understand this but what I do understand is my body is so used to this weight that I have to make drastic changes in order to change.   I need to find a way to change my bodies "normal" or the weight my body seems to like.