Weigh In Friday

I have this love/hate relationship with the scale.  I think most overweight people do, well, probably most people do.  Today I weighed in at 325.5 which is 5.5 pounds down from where I started.  It seems to be such a slow process

I did an hour of aerobics yesterday at the gym and then walked 1.3 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I feel like I am learning.  My eating is getting better, I'm trying to eat around 1200 to 1250 calories and about 100 g of carbs.  I want to work up to exercising 5 times a week, it seems to be more of a mental challenge then physical. 

I just want this so bad this time and I am so frustrated it seems to be taking so long and I have to eat practically nothing to even lose a pound.  I not giving up though.




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I Did It

I went and I worked out with a small group of people from work and it was humiliating, scary and I felt like an overweight fool. However...I did it. I surprised even myself. It was hard and I did a walk run thing for the first mile and walked the second mile. Honestly, it took everything in me just to go. My feet were numb and my calves were killing me but I kept going. i had to because my car was no where near me.

I kept trying to talk myself out of it all day but I didn't I knew I would hate myself if I didn't go. So I did and I survived but I did feel humiliated because I am so out of shape. I want to keep going, I am going to keep going. I have to keep telling myself it will get easier.

My Comfort Zone

Do you ever have those moments when someone ask you to do something and your first thought is, yeah that sounds great, but after thinking about it you begin to think of all the reasons why you can't participate?  For me I want to go out and be social but I am afraid.  I guess I am ultimately afraid of looking like a fool and it sucks to always feel this way and worry about such things. 

So there is this small group of people who work out together after work a few days a week and they asked me to join them and guess what, I really want to.  I think it will be helpful and inspiring but I'm scared.  I'm slow and I am afraid of looking like the fat and out of shape person I am.  I will look like those poor people on the Biggest Loser, ready to pass out, vomit and physically exhausted.  Plus did I mention the group is run by a cute guy? Awkward!

I walked yesterday to see what my speed is and how far I good go, this is the result. 

I can't stop thinking about this quote because I know I am always waiting for things to be my idea of perfect in order for me to participate in anything.  I'm tired or waiting.